Since so many bands enjoy the stark formallity and insinuations of using 'black' and 'white' in their names, I have decided to start a new music festival called "TuxedoPalooza"
Here is the line-up as I envision it...
Black Keys
Black Crowes
Black Lips
Black Kids
Blackaliscious
White Stripes
White Snake
White Lion
White Denim
White Rabbits
Hosted by
Black Francis
Betty White
Featuring
Young Black Teenagers
The Whitest Kids U Know
Formal Attire is recomended. Speaking of which, last night was
New Year's Eve
Since I'm on the topic of tours I'll never see, a firty-something man at the bar the other night (actually New Years Eve!) was wearing a "Godsmack 2009 Tour" t-shirt. This got me wondering the extent to which the venues have decreased in size and respectability since the, I don't know, 2001 tour. I spent all of thirty humiliating seconds on the Godsmack website only to realize (according to them) there WAS NO 2009 TOUR! I am now completely perplexed.
Perhaps the gentleman at the bar was a master of irony and had a shirt made for a tour that never existed specifically to rock on New Years in Downtown Boston! Perhaps the tour was planned but canceled due to improving musical taste in the general public. The shirt could then have been purchased at a bargain along with an "Arizona Cardinals 2009 Superbowl Champion" shirt on some website. I may never know. Sir, if you're out there, 'rats off to ya', you magnificent bastard.
Friday, December 31, 2010
Friday, December 24, 2010
Phil?! Phil Connors?!?!
So it's the slow time of year here working in historic Faneuil Hall, Boston, so I have plenty days off on my hands to finally do a blog (golf clap). Just goofy stuff I think about while serving drinks and tasty seafood products to the general public. So here goes, in no general order.
Groundhog Day
Yeah, I know, it's Christmas right now, but due to the snow and feel-good redemption story this always feels like a Christmas movie. I said, "It's me, Ned Ryerson! Needle-nosed Ned? Ned the head?", the other day at my folks' house and my brother immediately responded with "Phil? Phil Connors?" My father then queried from from the other room, "Are you two talking about 'Groundhog Day'? This made me think about how sometimes the most innoccuous movie lines can bury themselves in the nether-regions of the brain for eternity. My father forgets our names half of the time and IMMEDIATELY caught on that we were talking about a movie from, what, 17 years ago? These lines are no "You talkin' to me?" or "We're gonna make him an offer he can't refuse." It wasn't even Bill Murray delivering them. Weird.
Random Celebs.
I often have people at the bar ask me if any famous people frequent it or have I met any celebrities working here. I usually answer "not really", which vexes me greatly. The natural storyteller that I am, I have concocted a list of 80's TV stars and lesser known athletes to choose from in my response. These people have not visited the restaurant as far as I know. I will tell you the rules I used in construction of the list.
1. The name has to be recognizable to most people over 30, but preferably in a vague way; ie. Eric Nies would be fine, but "The Situation" wouldn't be (even though they both became famous for having their shirts off on MTV).
2. The person cannot still be on TV with any regularity; John Larroquette, but not John Stamos.
3. The person cannot be controversial, inspiring debate; no Mark Furhman or Kato Kaelin.
4. Ideally the response should be "Oh, yeah I remember him/her!" and nothing else.
5. Musicians are out, no matter how obscure. Even though it would be fun to say Howard Jones, the person I would say it too could be a huge Howard Jones fan (it could happen), prompting a two hour discussion of Howard Jones and his music. That is the LAST thing I want.
This is the tenative list, with help from Keegan et al.
Joey Lawrence (Whoa!)
Craig T Nelson (perfect!)
Shadoe Stevens (Circle gets the square!)
Any of the 1991Cleveland Cavaliers (except for Mark Price)
Benny "The Jet" Urquidez (too obscure? too bad I'm using it!)
MTV's Kennedy (For the 30 somethings)
Rebecca Lobo (wait, is she an analyst?)
Baby, It's Cold Outside
Is this not the creepiest holiday song? Especially the Leon Redbone/Zooey Deschanel version. It's a narrative to date rape. While I'm at it, Thurl Ravenscroft REALLY lays into the Grinch in his song. You would think he was talking about Hitler or Bernie Madoff or a Somerville meter-reader.
Groundhog Day
Yeah, I know, it's Christmas right now, but due to the snow and feel-good redemption story this always feels like a Christmas movie. I said, "It's me, Ned Ryerson! Needle-nosed Ned? Ned the head?", the other day at my folks' house and my brother immediately responded with "Phil? Phil Connors?" My father then queried from from the other room, "Are you two talking about 'Groundhog Day'? This made me think about how sometimes the most innoccuous movie lines can bury themselves in the nether-regions of the brain for eternity. My father forgets our names half of the time and IMMEDIATELY caught on that we were talking about a movie from, what, 17 years ago? These lines are no "You talkin' to me?" or "We're gonna make him an offer he can't refuse." It wasn't even Bill Murray delivering them. Weird.
Random Celebs.
I often have people at the bar ask me if any famous people frequent it or have I met any celebrities working here. I usually answer "not really", which vexes me greatly. The natural storyteller that I am, I have concocted a list of 80's TV stars and lesser known athletes to choose from in my response. These people have not visited the restaurant as far as I know. I will tell you the rules I used in construction of the list.
1. The name has to be recognizable to most people over 30, but preferably in a vague way; ie. Eric Nies would be fine, but "The Situation" wouldn't be (even though they both became famous for having their shirts off on MTV).
2. The person cannot still be on TV with any regularity; John Larroquette, but not John Stamos.
3. The person cannot be controversial, inspiring debate; no Mark Furhman or Kato Kaelin.
4. Ideally the response should be "Oh, yeah I remember him/her!" and nothing else.
5. Musicians are out, no matter how obscure. Even though it would be fun to say Howard Jones, the person I would say it too could be a huge Howard Jones fan (it could happen), prompting a two hour discussion of Howard Jones and his music. That is the LAST thing I want.
This is the tenative list, with help from Keegan et al.
Joey Lawrence (Whoa!)
Craig T Nelson (perfect!)
Shadoe Stevens (Circle gets the square!)
Any of the 1991Cleveland Cavaliers (except for Mark Price)
Benny "The Jet" Urquidez (too obscure? too bad I'm using it!)
MTV's Kennedy (For the 30 somethings)
Rebecca Lobo (wait, is she an analyst?)
Baby, It's Cold Outside
Is this not the creepiest holiday song? Especially the Leon Redbone/Zooey Deschanel version. It's a narrative to date rape. While I'm at it, Thurl Ravenscroft REALLY lays into the Grinch in his song. You would think he was talking about Hitler or Bernie Madoff or a Somerville meter-reader.
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