Mr. Wallbanger, I presume?

I was reading in the newspaper the other day that Dior fired their chief Boy George impersonator, John Galliano, for delivering a pro-Nazi rant in a Paris bar. Although fashion is more the realm of my staff celebrity gossip writer Klams Kardashian, I must applaud them for this move. I can't stand Nazis, and I hate Illinois Nazis. More to the heart of this post, Dior have fulfilled every bartender's dream; getting rid of Galliano.

For those of you who aren't bar savvy, Galliano is an herbal liquor with over thirty flavorings, but to me tastes like a liquorice marshmallow. It is viscous and neon yellow. The bottle is obnoxiously large and hard to place anywhere but the top shelf, where it stands out like Manute Bol (RIP-you are missed) in those old SNL sketches. It is used in cocktails such as the Harvey Wallbanger, the Slow Comfortable Screw Against the Wall, the Harvey Wallbanger, the West Indian Yellowbird (known at here at "The Dog" as the Mongolian Sweatervest), and the Harvey Wallbanger. The bottle is terrible to wield behind a bar, being 2ft long or longer. It is good, however, for smiting enemies and beligerant drunks.

I now present several ideas to help fellow bartenders rid yourselves of this menace;

• Pour it into narrow shot glasses or pousse cafe glasses (does anyone have those?) and float Jagermeister over it. Call it the "Maahhchand" and sell it to Bruins fans after games! (or Steelers fans, or Latin Kings, or Wiz Khalifa, or anyone else who likes black and yellow/gold)
• "Oh, you said mojito? I could have sworn you said Harvey Wallbanger. I'll just add it to your tab.." (rinse and repeat)
• Write in the snow in front of your snooty neighbor's house, preferably something like "Stop putting me in those stupid sweaters! I'm a frickin' dog!"
• Pour it into tiny glasses and float cream on top. Wait, that's actually a good idea. Elf-beer! (Keebler, not Legolas)
• Empty it into the toilet and say, "Man! Was I dehydrated!"
• Pour it into one of those ubiquitous creme de banana bottles that no one admits to having ordered and yet a new one appears every year.
• Apply it to the underarm area of your roommate's undershirts if he drinks your last PBR tallboy.
• Pour it into Chickalob Ultra to give it a more "beer-like" appearance!
• Apply it to a snowball, then eat it in the middle of Fanueil Hall.

I hope that I have motivated you to rid yourselves of this liquor in a fun and exciting fashion (ahem). Perhaps our children, perhaps their children, will live in a world where Galliano is relegated to Italian restaurants where it belongs instead of every bar in America. Drink a Harvey Wallbanger, if not for yourself than for the U S A, U S A, U S A! (or whatever country in which you happen to reside) Goodnight, and stay away from Nazis dressed like the female keyboard player from Prince and the Revolution.