Epic

Rock Hard:

I was watching a truck commercial the other day, rather, I heard the music for a truck commercial the other day (watching implies intent) and was puzzled. The background noise was some Creed meets Godsmack (last time I pick on Godsmack this month I promise) drivel that sounded something like "Smo, smi, ssmmerrrii, how cool is tha-yat?!". My friend asked why they would use such dated sounding cock-rock. I informed him that for a good portion of our great nation, Nickelback is still a relevant band. Here in Boston, like many other cities, saying you're in a hard rock band is like saying you are a swing revivalist or some other anachronism from 1995.

If the conversation were allowed to continue the response would be something like; "Oh, two guitars in one band? That's so retro. In my band, 'The Assless Chaps', we have a cello, a wave generator, and a therimin. We call it 'space chamber', we're getting a lot of buzz in the blogosphere." Blogosphere, what a bad word.

Word to your Mother

Speaking about what an unfortunate word 'blog' is, I actually put off starting one for ten years (dumb) because I hate that word so much. Since nobody writes epic poems anymore (does anyone?). I suggest we misappropriate the word 'epic' instead. That way, the next time I meet someone the conversation will go from this;
"So, you're a writer? Anything published?"
"Well, I write a blog." <girl walks away>
to this;
"So, you're a writer? Anything published?"
"I write epics. People dig them." <WTS gets phone number>

Syphilis is another bad word, at least as nasty sounding as 'blog', but syphilis is always bad. The name is completely appropriate. (Future blog post; ill-fitting v well-fitting words) If you asked someone who did not know what syphilis was, "Do you want syphilis?", they would know by the way it sounded, "Hell no, I don't want syphilis!". If you asked the same benighted person, "Do you want a balloon?", they would say, "Hell yes, I want a balloon!" because the word sounds so innoccuous and friendly. Blogs are better than syphilis, even with modern antibiotics. Why should they be stuck with a name that bad?