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Thursday, January 20, 2011

This is my sidekick, Mr. Mister

I have been (briefly) in bands, and I know from experience that naming a band is one of the hardest things, aside from getting a drummer to show up. This process causes endless debate, which often spills out into the outer circle of friends, and the bass player is typically ignored. Sometimes you hit; Guided by Voices, The Clash, Judas Priest, The Rolling Stones, etc. Some bands become really enamored with their names, ie Bad Company wrote a song called Bad Company for their album Bad Company. Big Country did the same thing with their name. Some band names are bad enough that I wonder how they were picked, and which names were voted down. I started a game of thinking of the worst band names I could think of. The rule was that the name had to be bad, the band could be good or bad. The hardest part was being even-handed and not picking on bands that I don't like and sparing ones I do. This is the (abridged) list that we came up with, special thanks to Ben "Danger" Didsbury, bass player for "Coo & Howl" (ahem). [also Al, Tom, Ali, and Paul for their imput.]

Numbers are an almost certain sign of a bad band name (and a bad band) except U2 and the B52's.
Eve6, 7Mary3, UB40, Maroon5, SR71, Blink182, Sum41, Matchbox20

Animal names are suspect, especially ironic ones, and for Pete's sake use some new animals.
The Lime Spiders, Pink Spiders, The Arctic Monkeys, Poi Dog Pondering, Three Dog Night, Band of Horses; Sea Wolf, Wolf Tickets, Wolfmother, Guitar Wolf, Deerhunter, Deertick, Deerhoof, Pepper Rabbit, Frightened Rabbit, The White Rabbit Band, White Rabbits, Bad Rabbits, Big Bear, Minus the Bear, Grizzly Bear, Panda Bear, Bear Hands, Bear in Heaven... and the worst of all, A Flock of Seagulls

Spell the damn word correctly, I am looking at you, late 90's!
Staind, KoRn (I know the 'R' is supposed to be backwards, even worse!), Puddle of Mudd, Mudvayne, Linkin Park, Limp Bizkit, N'SYNC, RATT (ok RATT is from the 80's)

Some genres seem to favor bad names universally,'emo', 'jam', 'psychedelia' and 'third wave ska' specifically. I am not letting them off the hook.
Jimmy Eat World, Sunny Day Real Estate, Taking Back Sunday, 30 Seconds to Mars, Fallout Boy; moe., O.A.R., Leftover Salmon, Deep Banana Blackout; Bloos Magoos, Strawberry Alarm Clock, Buffalo Springfield, Jefferson Airplane, Moby Grape; Less Than Jake, The Mighty Mighty Bosstones, Big D and the Kid's Table, Big Lick, Reel Big Fish

Some bands are just trying too hard with their names.
Black Rebel Motorcycle Club, ... and You Will Know Us By the Trail of the Dead, Under the Influence of Giants, Godspeed You Black Emperor, Death Cab For Cutie, Vampire Weekend, Sixpence None the Richer, The The, Mr. Mister, Lady Antebellum, TV on the Radio, Neutral Milk Hotel

Don't use names (or nicknames) that aren't yours, and then get mad when people think they are your names!
Hootie and the Blowfish, Belle and Sebastian, Margot and the Nuclear So-and-So's, Dexy's Midnight Runners, Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros, Echo and the Bunnymen

If you are a 'rock band', try to sound like you a have a pair.
Angels and Airwaves, Candlebox, Golden Earing, Silverchair, Lifehouse, Afghan Wigs, Trust Company

Try to make your name fit your sound
Five for Fighting (some hardcore band could have used that name, what about 'Two for Flinching' instead?)

Some names just scream 'douche'!
Savage Garden, I Love You But I've Chosen Darkness, She Wants Revenge, Avenged Sevenfold, The Artist Formally (and currently) Known as Prince, Spandau Ballet, Wham!, Depeche Mode, Cream

If you must name your band after an illness, make it a cool sounding one like Anthrax.
Mono, Dengue Fever, the Hives

Hey 1970's, don't think you're getting away...
The Doobie Brothers, Bread, Ambrosia, Stealers Wheel, Ginger Baker's Airforce, Mott the Hoople

I just plain don't like these names (some of these acts are awesome, some suck eggs)
Rascal Flatts, Better Than Ezra, The Flying Burrito Brothers, The Smashing Pumkins, Soft Cell, Nickelback, Godsmack (sorry I know I said I would wait a month!), Kings of Leon, Plain White T's (I just threw up a little), The Shins, Can, Hot Tuna, Boz Scaggs, Captain Beefheart, Radiohead, Audioslave, Velvet Revolver, Englebert Humperdink, Fountains of Wayne, Blonde Redhead, Los Lonely Boys

It is so hard to end this list, so I am going to end with bad names that describe the band, which ironically makes them good names.
Insane Clown Posse, Miami Sound Machine, Men Without Hats, She & Him, Four Non-Blonds, C&C Music Factory, The Band

For the record I know that other people have written on this topic, and there are many, many other terrible band names out there (you should see my notebook!). So feel free to comment with more!

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