Urkel Urkel Motorcycle

Diamond in the rough

Since my last post was probably too educational (read not-funny), I will make up for it now by promising no intellegent content in this post. I am sure that you, like me, have worn out your copy of the Screech Powers (Dustin Diamond) sex tape (kidding of course), and are wondering which 80's to early 90's television star will be the next to release a lurid video. I have come up with a list using the latest in scientific research and late night television watching. Try not to get too excited while reading this list.

Jaleel White (Stephen Urkel); He always made an effort to show off-set that he was a normal, cool, dude with no predilection for high water pants and cheese. What better way to do that, and regain some national attention to boot, than to take a dose of 'boss sauce' and go all Stefan Urquelle on some girl. He could end the video by looking in the camera and saying, "Diiidd I do thaaaat? Hell yeah I did!"

The Olsen Twins (Michelle Tanner); Something must be out there, one was apparently engaged in drug-fueled sex with Heath Ledger the other shares an 'ex' with Paris Hilton. (Thanks, Wikipedia!)

Soleil Moon Frye (Punky Brewster); Please?

Betty White (Rose from Golden Girls); She has had the best career revival I've seen for an octogenarian, and what does she have to lose?

Eric Estrada (Ponch from C.Hi.P.'s); He seems to do any commercial or celebrity appearance offered to him, so I'm kind of suprised nothing has 'leaked' with him and some forty-something groupie.

Road Rash

Speaking of people on motorcycles going down, here are some bad things that have happened to me on my old Honda 750;

Getting stuck in a dry riverbed north of Fountain Hills, AZ.
You know how in cartoons when someone is stuck in the desert they always show vultures circling? Well, it really happens. I rode onto some reservation land, miles from the nearest human settlement, to take a picture
that never really came out. I went over a bump and ended up in a deep wash, with my front and rear tires stuck in the dirt. I had no water, it was over a hundred degrees with no shade, and it took great effort to get free. Those vultures took all of ten minutes to start circling. Thanks for the vote of confidence, you ugly bastards!

Dropping my bike after getting it free from the riverbed.
I was so excited once I was back on the dirt road, I rode with no-hands going about 20mph, yelling. Yeah, and I fell. Of course there was a jeep full of people who saw it (where the hell were they when I needed help?) and laughed.

Getting run off the road by a truck with a 'WWJD' bumper sticker.
Apparently the Lord would run me off the road in the middle of the woods and leave me bleeding in the dirt.

'Splatting' my way through a cloud of moths near Albuquerque.
Speaking of Jesus, this was absolutely Biblical. It was like a rainstorm of moths. I had to keep wiping yellow bug guts off of my glasses at 50mph. Luckily most bounced off of my skin (ouch!). I still have the leather jacket I was wearing, and it still had little specks all over it.

So there you go, motorcycle follies and eighties television.